Monday, May 25, 2009

Easy as Pie......right?

Nothing can make me cry like making pie crust! Yep, I am ashamed to admit it, but there you have it. Such a simple idea, flour, shortening, water etc. Just role it out and put it in the pie plate. Easy as pie(hehe) right? I made a chocolate cream pie yesterday and the only reason the interference of my Mom telling me that I was doing it wrong once more didn't make me shed tears of frustration was the presence of a friend. So, I just laughed like a nut case and he got treated to a show!

My older sister was also privy to the display and brought up the fact that she makes perfect pie crust! It's so very easy. That helped let me tell you!!! Then later that night as my ugly little pie crust was brought up once again(sigh) the topic of sibling jealousy came up. This has always been a huge problem for me, and just in recent years gotten better.

Being the second born to an older sibling that seems to have been given all of the gifts that make life in this world easier, looks, outgoingness, artistic ability's, the ability to make pleading eyes with out looking like a sick cow(I could go on, but I'm pretty sure that you get the picture!) Made life growing up hard. I admit to being slightly freakish in the dress department and acting out trying to take some of the attention away from her. It never worked for long, I felt like Wile E Coyote trying to catch the road runner, never quite succeeding!

I grew out of the freakish stage but was still pretty miserable, living in big sisters shadow. She got taller and I didn't. She got skinnier, I got rounder, the boys started to pay attention to her and I got a pat on the head(I still do, but I like it now!) if I got noticed at all. Nothing my Mom said about being different or special helped. I don't want to be different, I want to be like everybody else.

This is were I should trot out a bible verse and tell you about the big life changing event that happened, but I can't! It has mostly been a slow realisation that I am not like everybody else. There are people in this world that just have more talent and get noticed more. Until I get this pounded into my head, I will never be happy with my self. I know it sounds trite but that is just the way it is. I have long patches of contentment, but like with yesterdays pie crust the green eyed monster pops out once again.

I've realized something through out these years, the beautiful people have their own set of problems. I've seen big sis deal with things I will never have to worry about. Like people asking the what collage are you going to question they just ask about big sis, skip me then head right on to sis number three! I haven't had to deal with the disapproving glances and the up turned noses! I've also never had to deal with the heartache of male attention. As nice as it sounds, there are loads of problems with it. I will get noticed by the man God has for me, no past relationships to feel guilt over for me!

God has been working on my heart and maturing me, but believe me we still have a long way to go! If you deal with this, the only thing I can tell you is pray! Ephesians 2:10 For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them. He has made me for a specific reason and purpose. I am perfectly equipped for the road ahead of me. So, I will forge ahead and try to keep my little green eyed friend in his cage!