Anyway, we went on a group solitude trip, as in we all drove out together to the badlands (they turned out to much more pleasant then the name would suggest!) and then we all split off and had a time of solitude, came back together talked about our experience, then went out separately again for a longer time.
The first round I had a plan to read Lamentations 3:21-28 then go from there, but I pulled out my journal first and ended up writing/praying (I normally write as I pray, it keeps me from getting distracted) for the whole time and I came to a realization that had been festering for awhile, it's time for Plan B.
Plan B and I have never made a formal acquaintance..... because as it happens, Plan B frightens me to death! What is Plan B you may be asking. Well, the some what dismal rags of Plan A can be found HERE. Basically it was what every good Greek girl should do, nice Greek girls are supposed to do three things in life: marry Greek boys, make Greek babies, and feed everyone until the day we die. Okay, I'm not Greek and that quote is from one of my favorite movies, but the idea is the same! Graduate high school, get married, have a family, that's Plan A in a nut shell.
(Not excited about Plan B!)
Not being one to dwell on the negative aspects of the future (or another name for it is ostrich optimism!) I ignored the wise council of my mom and various others and never planned for the day Plan A failed, maybe not failed, got delayed? Yes, delayed, let's not be to gloomy here!
I will finally admit to having been in a holding pattern life wise since after high school, like Rapunzel, I've been in my tower, sweeping the floors waiting for my life to begin. But, Prince Charming hasn't climbed up my hair, and it's time to climb out if the tower myself.
A few of the facets of Plan B!
1. Finding a real job, one that could be a career if said husband never shows up!
I like the nannying and the freedom it gives me, but the lack of a set schedule and the lack of a steady paycheck are just not working any more! I've gambled the not having health insurance game and I'm getting nervous my chips are going to get called in! A job that could possibly lead to a career in case my hair is never climbed (fingers and toes and everything else is crossed against that day!) and being able to move out, at the moment I don't feel God calling me to move out, my family needs me right now, but someday.....
2. Learning to be a people person.
Not in the normal way, but in the becoming an encourager, couciling, mentoring sort of way. My way of coping with stress and sadness is looking for the humorous, but as I've found, that approach rubs most people the WRONG way! They want touching from the heart words, not jokes about the nurses nose hair or the hospital food.....Now me, I like to laugh in the face of grief and hard times and have a hard time dealing with others emotions because I cope in such a different way. The homeless person or kid who just lost his parents is not going to want my favored brand of emotional dealing. So, yes I will be one of those people who laughs at a funeral, sorry if that offends you!
I know this should have been a part of Plan A, but it never dawned on me that I needed to work on this until Plan B became a reality!
3. Not being jealous and still being able to be friends with people who are in the station of life I want to be in!
Ooooh, this is a hard one. I was never a jealous kid by nature, but now that most of my friends are married I have to constantly drag myself up out of the self pity puddle and slap my little green eyed self across the face! I read somewhere that being the only single in the group is like being in a room full of people and being the only one missing a leg, you can still function, but you are different and people are not sure what to do with you!
There is only one other girl my age at church who isn't married (no guys, we are saddened!) so the functions with the people our age are family and married centered, can anyone say awkward? But, as it is a cold hard fact that I am single and there is no Prince on the horizon, I need to learn to not fall into the pity puddles and ban the little green eyed monster from my mind!
4. Really surrendering my plan for life and learning to trust that God does indeed know what He's doing!
Hardest one of all! I like to be in control, and the fact that I can do NOTHING to save Plan A is driving my BONKERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.....
Ahem, sorry.....my journal-ing yesterday revealed just how much I was holding onto the tatters of Plan A, vainly hoping that it would still come true and it may, but I need to be an adult and learn to live in this world with out a husband and family! Does Plan B still frighten me to death? You bet! But, I do feel a strange sort of peace and excitement about finding out what exactly it entails. So, there is still a LOT of praying and figuring out to be done, but yesterday I was formally introduced to the bogey man under my bed, aka Plan B and found out that much like the badlands he turned out not to be so bad after all!