As a kid I started out wanting to be a nun. Then, I bounced the gamut from police woman to professional spelunker (a person who explores caves). Then in my early teens I decided I wanted to be a teacher. I had that goal in mind until I was about 15 and then God laid a new desire on my heart, to be a stay at home wife and mother.
So, as you can guess ever since I was 15 I've been waiting for my prince and his white horse to show up and as I sit here typing this 10 years later, I have yet to hear a peep or catch even a tiny glimpse over the horizon of my prince. The worry over whether I misinterpreted the call I felt God laid upon my heart has become over whelming some days. And as bad as I feel about bringing it up when there are so many other far worse problems in this world to pray for, whenever I do the advice I hear all sounds something like this.....
Don't worry, you're still young.....enjoy this season of singleness.....don't waste your single years.....there are lots of fish in the sea.....I didn't get married until I was in my 30's.....there are lots of girls who are older then you and not married yet.....
I know they mean well, but can someone just once say I know it sucks and that you're sacred out of your mind and I have no idea what God has in store for you, but if you feel that God laid this desire on your heart then keep on truckin'!
Instead of the almost mindless platitudes and just grin and bear it's!
Through the years I've read all the books I can find on Godly singleness/dating and as different as they all are, you want to know the one unifying theme they all have? Most of the book is spent telling me how to stop having/get over all of the harmful relationships I've had and am currently having and at 24 I'm a little tired of skimming the first 3/4 of a book because it doesn't apply to me!
I have never had even ONE guy express any sort of interest in me what so ever! Not even a little bit of flirting (Mom and Becca I know you thinking of PaBobMay, but the coffee guy does not count, he talks to Dad they same way!) I've prayed about and taken to heart the books advice, but where are all the guys I'm supposed to be having to beat off with a stick and my bible?
How can I live out what I felt and still feel God calling me to do if I can't even get a guy to wink at me? That particular calling is NOT one a person can accomplish on her own!!! I have prayed about going to collage and getting my teaching degree, going on mission trips short and long term, or looking into other careers, but God always says, no and wait. I have to say God, I'm getting rather discouraged and very tired of waiting!
My older sister and younger sister both are amazing and beautiful, and next to their myriad of accomplishments and talents I feel overshadowed and left behind. Since I graduated high school (what a bang up that was!) nothing much has changed, I'm still a nanny and even though I've prayed about other opportunities nothing has gotten the green flag.
So, here I sit a mere 18 days away from turning 25, scared out of my mind that somewhere along the line I messed up and missed Gods true calling in my life. What is wrong with me, what about me makes it so I can't even attract a hint of notice from a guy? Is there some big important step to becoming a Godly woman that I missed?
I truly feel that God has called me to be where I am and do what I'm doing, but there is always that what if hovering in the back of my head waiting for a weak moment to claw it's way into the forefront of my mind once more and obviously this is one of those moments!
As I see others accomplish goals and move forward along the paths God has laid out for them the feeling of being passed over only grows. Right now, I don't feel better about it! I'm sure soon, God will show me some verse or speak to my heart, but as for right now? I am left standing here holding up the wall watching the dance of life and love pass me by.
Sorry for being so depressing, but I wanted to get this off of my chest! Prayers and advice would be greatly appreciated!! =)
Sweetie, it sucks. It really does. Knowing what you're supposed to be doing, and knowing you need someone else to do it is one of the hardest things out there.
ReplyDeleteI'm supposed to be raising kids--and sheep--in the country, staying at home with them and shaping their lives. Instead I'm still living in town, working at a call center, trying to find the person with whom I'm supposed to do it.
And--for what it's worth--I'm turning 31 in six months. Yikes!
All that said, you're ahead of a lot of people, in knowing that's your purpose. I don't have a lot of immediately useful suggestions--I've only had a couple relationships, and none of them lasted over a few months--but I do know one thing. Even when you're there, when you're fulfilling your calling...you'll be more than just a mother, just staying at home. You're a writer, you're a seamstress, you're a blogger, you're a friend, you're a sister, a daughter, a niece, a cousin...be all those things as fully as you can, now. Know exactly who you are, how *amazing* you are, and then make sure you show that self to everyone you meet.
You can take care of all that, and then you can trust God to get your prince on his steed and get him moving. And he'll be a lucky man indeed, to get you.
*hugs*
Katie,
ReplyDeleteI know how you feel. Your post could have been mine, almost word for word. I still struggle with this every day, and I by no means have all the answers, but if you ever want to get together sometime and talk about ways to deal with the waiting, let me know! Hang in there!!
~Gretchen
Bronwyn- Thanks, you don't know how much your words cheered me up! I do pretty good most days but this past month or so has been hard! Gretchen- I would love to get together sometime, all of my other friends are married and it would be nice to tlak to someone in the same boat! =P
ReplyDeleteI'm assuming you're Gretchen from church, correct me if I'm wrong but I'm pretty sure that's the only Gretchen I know! =)
That's me! Let's set up a time when we see each other at church. :)
ReplyDeleteWOW KatySue your post definately is me all over as well! I just turned 20 in April and most of my friends are married or have prospects or are younger and single, so its pretty discouraging. I get what you are saying! Where are all those guys I am supposed to be fending off?!! :) I did have one relationship when I was 13 with a guy, but it was flirting and nothing big, but still some baggage I have to carry around. I am so glad the Lord picks us up and wipes our sins away. :) But yes I have been feeling down today I have been feeling up today, I am always on an emotional roller coaster it seems about the whole after high school and doing college and waiting thing. :)
ReplyDeleteI have not great advice, accept what you said do what God has laid on your heart, He also told me to stay at home and minister to my family, friends, church, etc. No guys in site, but thats alright, because everything will happen in His perfect timing as it says in His Word in ROmans 8. Definately read Romans 8 if you need encouragement, its really helped me to remember that all things are for a purpose and for our good, even the hard and sometimes difficult things that happen in our lives such as waiting on the Lord.
Praise God we can pray to Him as well about our struggles! Praying for you Katie Sue and glad I am not the only one having a hard time waiting for prince charming. :)
In Christ,
Rebecca