So much for having it all under control and doing pretty good in my walk with God! I spend time in the Word and praying most days, don't have any vices(besides American Idol!) so I was pretty happy with myself.
Then while reading yesterdays entry in Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest, I has a funny feeling that I had let a strange God in my life. Something that had taken a higher place in my heart and mind then God. No, I thought, I'm doing great! Then I noticed my prayer journal was about finished so I went back over it to see what God had been doing in my life, and was horrified when I saw a trend that started happening about 2 months ago. I had started praying for myself about this one issue. Just about me. Talk about teenage angst! And I'm not even a teen. I was overreacting and trying to talk God into doing what I wanted. Telling Him that this is what was best. Then looking back, most of my time was spent thinking about this one thing. It in and of itself is not a bad thing, just something you should never let get out of hand.
I was shocked. How could I, miss never has a prayer request for herself she's doing so great, have let myself get so self absorbed! Even that sentence sounds selfish! Putting aside self is hard, I've struggled with it many times. Contentment and patience have never been my strong suits, and I will have to be more careful in the future to realize what's going on.
Last night was a sleepless one, feeling sorry and trying to make up to God. Then Gods peace finally broke though that tirade. Let me help you, fill your heart and mind with me. You can't do it alone, give me the pen. I am the author of your story. I hate feeling out of control, and have wrested the pen back from Gods hand to many times to count. I like to do things my way and by myself. I always say I don't need help, it's a good thing God knows better! I feel much more at peace today. Oh sure, your thinking it's what a whole day later, she's doing great......
One day at a time, that's how I've had to learn to deal with life, don't worry about tomorrows problems today. Today surely has enough of it's own worries!